Vacation at home

I'm on vacation this week... at home! We just returned from Oregon on Tuesday, so I have three weekdays to do whatever I want. Lest you begin to think "so what?" let me remind you that I have almost never had a day off and at home that wasn't a sick day, weekend/holiday, or maternity leave. I've had furlough days, but I usually schedule those around long weekends (therefore out of town with my family) or to do something I just can't do during the week. I've never used vacation days to do... nothing.

Oh, I shouldn't say I'm doing nothing. I'm actually busier than usual, but I'm busy with nothing planned. I have no appointments, no meetings, nothing I HAVE to do.

So today I went to the grocery store in the morning. I had no idea what Raley's looks like in the morning! Wow, it's so calm! The few customers there were elderly and quiet. There were no harried moms dragging around screaming kids (that's usually ME!) and there was no rush to get home and start dinner (me again!). It was so quiet. Even the piped-in music was '80s soft rock. Sigh... I could get used to buying my groceries in the a.m.

I did three loads of laundry and a load of dishes. I put away Christmas presents and started crocheting a baby blanket. I downloaded all my holiday photos from my camera and uploaded them to Facebook. That alone usually takes me a few days, but today I was able to just let it run in the background while I did other things.

And on a whim, I painted my fingernails electric purple. Just because I can. It's a color I'd probably never wear to work (although it's starting to grow on me) but I have five more days to worry about what to wear to work.

Tomorrow I'll drop the girls off at school and go to the gym. And then I'll start taking down the Christmas decorations and perhaps scrub a toilet or two. I'd love to go to the hot springs sometime this week, but we'll see if there's time for that. As luxurious as three days of free time sounds, it speeds by really quickly. But I'm liking this taste of free time. It could get really boring really quickly, but for now, I like it!

Santa's Cookies

This morning my girls asked if they can leave a present for Santa on Christmas. I told them that it's a fantastic idea, but maybe we could leave cookies out for him, since he'll get hungry flying all over the world. And maybe a little glass of milk too?

"Yes, mommy! That's perfect!" Whew, that's a relief. (Mom, I hope you have cookies in Oregon!)

Abbi: "Mommy, can I have a bite of Santa's cookies?" (how stinkin' cute is she!?!?!)

Emma: "Abbi, you can't eat Santa's cookies or you'll get on the Naughty List!" (always the practical one!)

Abbi: "But, well, sometimes I LIKE Santa's cookies."

Abbi finally decided that she could pass on the cookies and leave them for Santa, but I wouldn't be surprised if she asks again before Christmas Eve. And Emma decided that she needs to leave some carrots for the reindeer too, because reindeer like carrots.

And that sums up the important parts of Christmas Eve traditions in the minds of my kids.

My mommy's proud of me!

Emma has been in ballet/tap class for about six weeks and I can't believe I haven't written about it yet! She's so cute in her classes - very serious and determined to do EXACTLY what the teacher, Miss Tam, says. And Abbi is equally cute watching from the sidelines and trying to copy what the big kids are doing. (Abbi loves to stop mid-sentence sometimes and say "look!" while she brings her fingertips together in a ballet pose. Very sweet!)

At her first class, Emma danced and jumped and tapped her little heart out. And at one point she ran over to me for a little reassurance and I told her she's doing great and I'm so proud of her. Then she pranced right up to her teacher and said, "Miss Tam! My mommy's proud of me!"

Oh, she has no idea how proud I am of her!

Miscellaneous work stuff

I'm cleaning off my desk at work (year-end organizing and whatnot) and decided I'd better do something with a stack of DVDs I've collected from appearing on "Nevada Trails." It's a TV show on our local public access station. I'm posting the videos below if you're interested in seeing some of what I do in my job. I'll never be one of the world's great TV personalities, but the shows are fun to tape anyway.

Thoughts on being a working mom

Tonight I'm contemplating the age-old Mommy War debate. Which is better? To stay home with your kids or to work? Actually, that question doesn't bother me because it's an answer-less question. No, I'm more interested in the either/or mentality of the question. Does one have to be one or the other? A stay-at-home mom OR a working mom? Does one preclude the other?

Along those lines, think about the attributes usually assigned to each. A stay-at-home mom is a good cook, does laundry all day, volunteers in classrooms and takes her kid to soccer. A working mom orders take-out or relies on her Crock-Pot. She does chores on the weekend and has a perpetually dirty house. Her kids play sports that can be played at school (no time for shuttling between school and the ball park!).

Tell me, readers, are those descriptions in my own mind, or are they pretty generally accepted?

I feel like I'm often painted into a corner as a working mom. It's just assumed that I can't cook - or don't have time to - and that my house is messy because cleaning isn't a priority to me. Working moms don't care about dirty houses, right? But c'mon, how many stay-at-home moms are battling the same dust bunnies that I battle? How many moms, with jobs or without, look at the sink full of dishes and just can't quite bring themselves to wash them yet?

I'm always tired, and there are lots of people who try to encourage me by telling me that I'm tired because I work all day, come home and be mom all night, and HOPEFULLY get to be a wife for a little while (God forbid THAT take too long - I need my sleep before the alarm goes off at 5 a.m.!)

But I think maybe I'm tired because I'm a Mom. Period. Are stay-at-home moms any more rested than I am? I don't know... someone tell me! Doesn't every mom get up early and go to bed late? Isn't every mom too tired for... you know?

I despise the idea -- even jokingly -- that I don't want to be around my kids all day, and that's why I work. I readily admit without shame that I am not cut out to stay home all day. But that's not because I don't like my kids. I love them. I miss them. But I am not the best version of me when I'm home all day with them. I need to work. I need to have projects to complete. I need to be around other adults and generate ideas and plans and mission statements. I LOVE my job and I would feel emptier without it. What people often miss is that not all jobs are just eight-hour shifts. I'm not just punching a time clock. I am working in a field that thrills and stimulates and challenges me, and not doing so would leave me craving it.

And this brings me back to my original thought: Why does a mom have to be either/or? Can't children and a job stimulate me? Can't I love both?

These thoughts began to swirl in my head tonight as I made dinner. It's Sunday, and I love Sunday because I can take the time to really have fun in the kitchen. Did you know that I love to cook? I'm not a great cook. I don't have the natural talent or taste to just whip things up. But I do know how to follow a recipe, and I really, really enjoy cooking. The kitchen is one of my "happy places." It's where I go when I'm stressed out and need to get away. I put on some music, perhaps pour a glass of wine, and I cook. There's nothing more satisfying than a bubbling pot of stew on the stove or an array of cookies cooling on the counter.

Tonight I made pheasant pot pie. I made the pie crust and tried to scrimp on the crust to ensure leftovers for cinnamon rolls. Unfortunately there wasn't enough leftover, so I had to mix up extra crust dough. And then I rolled out the dough, painted the melted butter on it and sprinkled cinnamon-sugar on top. With each brush stroke and each sprinkle of sugar, I envisioned my own mom in our kitchen in Eureka. She worked a lot, but she always had time to whip up a batch of cookies or a homemade pie. And with the leftover pie dough, she made cinnamon rolls.

I think I always liked the cinnamon rolls better than the pies. I still do. I love crust oozing with buttery cinnamon and sugar. And maybe I also love the idea of an extra treat. She was making pies, but always managed to have a little extra dough for a treat. She didn't buy junk food for us, but we sure got our share of homemade treats!

The number of cinnamon rolls depended on the amount of extra dough. It wasn't an exact science, and I don't even know if it was an exact recipe. I don't know if she made it up, or if she grew up watching her own mom stretch out that dough a little further to create an unexpected treat. Did she stand at her mom's elbow and watch her sprinkle cinnamon-sugar onto buttered dough? Did she think of her mom as she made cinnamon rolls for my sisters and me? Did she smile her own mom's smile as she wiped melted butter from our chins?

Times have changed. Tonight I plugged my iPod into speakers and played some Christmas tunes that didn't exist when my mom baked for me. My daughters watch cartoons that didn't exist 30 years ago and won't exist 30 years from now. My husband folded laundry. Yes, he does that. I tried to ignore my beeping BlackBerry, and I worried about the staff meeting I have to attend tomorrow. For a brief hour or so, I was just a mom. And that's a beautiful thing.

Learning to say thank you

Just a quick thought for today...

I'm not good at accepting compliments. I get embarrassed and don't know how to respond properly, and I usually deflect them with some sort of self-deprecating comment. Example:

"Oh, what pretty hair you have! People pay big money to get curls like that!"

Me: "Um, thanks! They're wasting their money, it's such a pain in the ass! My hair is a rat's nest more often than not."

Need another example?

"What a lovely shirt, you look very nice in that today!"

"Thank you. It was a gift, I have NO style of my own!"

I would really like to learn how to receive compliments more graciously. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate a nice comment, and please don't stop complimenting me! Please don't! But just know that my horrible awkward response isn't because I'm rude, it's because I just don't know what to say.

I recently caught myself doing the same awkward, self-put-down when someone complimented me on my kids. And then I was horrified. Yikes! Do I put down my kids just because I haven't learned one of the most basic social interactions - how to say thank you?

One of Abbi's teachers told me how sweet she is and wonderful at school. Now I know they have their moments with her. They tell me when she gets time-outs and doesn't listen. So I know that they know the "real" Abbi. So I should have basked in the warm praise and said thank you. But instead I said something along the lines of: "Oh, you must have caught her on a good day! Whoo-eee, she can be such a handful at home!"

Was that really necessary? No.

Thank God my kids are still young so I don't need to worry too much that I've decimated her self-esteem... yet. But I better get my act together before I accidentally repeat this episode in front of her when she can understand what's going on! I don't want my daughters to ever think that their mom thinks they're anything less than talented, smart, special, beautiful gifts from Heaven. Oh don't worry, they'll also know that they can be stubborn, disrespectful and aggravating on occasion. They're human, after all! But if their own mother can't accept a compliment on their behalf, how will they ever learn to do it on their own?

Kindle Self-Help

I officially love my Kindle. No, it hasn't replaced the feel of a real book, and I still dream of having my own library in my home. But wow, how nice to fit ANY book in my purse and be able to read it anywhere. I can read while I'm blow-drying my hair. That, my friends, is the formula for love.

So yes, I love my Kindle. And thanks to the cheaper price for e-books and a much-appreciated birthday gift card, I have been able to download several new books. I downloaded a couple of novels that I plan to read on my upcoming flight to New Zealand, and I bought a Spanish-for-dummies-type book. But I've had the most fun browsing titles that I would ordinarily never even consider. Oh, and did you ever consider the anonymity of downloading books to Kindle? There's no bookstore employee eying my purchase, and no one can read the cover of my book and judge my purchase. Bliss!

That's why I spent most of my gift card on inspirational and what some might call "self-help" books. I couldn't help it! I found thousands of titles all about "finding your inner happiness" and "dealing with problem people." I could download "The Joy of Sex" and no one would be the wiser! (no, that wasn't one of my downloads!)

But today I had to step away from the Amazon bookstore. Slowly back away from the keyboard and get a hold of myself. And thank God my gift card ran out!

Let me set up the scenario: I've been knee-deep in Dr. Seuss and Dora the Explorer for nearly five years. I have read "Brown bear, Brown Bear" more times than I can count, and if I have to go on the circular route of what happens when you take a mouse to school one more time, well, I might go crazy!

But the girls are out of the toddler stage and I no longer feel like I'm on a Tilt-A-Whirl of baby toys, poop, cartoons and tantrums. I'm starting to feel like I can think about myself a little. Why not indulge in an inspirational read? Why not take advantage of the judgement-free online bookstore and read a daily devotion while I'm drying my hair in the morning?

So today I innocently browsed the Religion & Spirituality section of Amazon.com. Hmmmm, "The 5 Love Languages" or "How to be Happier 7 Days a Week"? "Untangling Christmas: Your Go-To Guide for a Hassle-Free Holiday" or "How to See Yourself as You Really Are"? (That last one is by the Dalai Lama! It MUST be good!)

I actually had fun reading reviews and just feeling the freedom of buying any book that sparked my interest.

But then I saw it.

"The Secret."

The book has its own website. This book is supposed to the THE KEY to the secret of life. If I were to read this book, the sky would open and rain dollar bills and candy canes. I would never lose my temper again and my husband would pave the sidewalk in gold so I never have to step on a mere mortal's cement again. I would be elected president and hit the lottery, possibly all in the same week. It is THE SECRET!!! And it can be yours and mine for only $12.99 (e-book) or $23.95 (hard-copy).

And that's when I had to close the website and throw a glass of cold water in my face (figuratively of course). I am all for self-awareness and improvement. I love the availability of information in today's technological age. And I will certainly download books with questionably cheesy titles. But God help me if I ever read "The Secret" (or the sequel, "The Power"!).

Not that those books don't help people. But I have a certain view in my mind of what I am about. And to contradict that view would be a letdown to myself. I can't wear a leopard-print dress no matter how hot my friends look in them. I'll never be a platinum-blonde even though I envy the look on my friends. I can't bring myself to use text-talk beyond LOL, and I just can't read "The Secret."

Now I'll wrap this up so I can go start "How to Walk in Love" (it was only $.99!).

Cost of a garden

My garden this year was pretty pitiful. I got antsy and planted mid-spring, just to have everything die when we got yet another snow storm in May. I replanted and then waited for nice weather. And waited. And waited. Summer finally hit mid-July or so, but never got very hot. And now, the first week of October, we got our first snow. My garden is doomed.

After I wised up and moved my tomato planter into the full sun, I got a flurry of tiny tomatoes... that never turned red. The Walla Walla onions are walla-tiny. And my broccoli produced the tiniest heads before flowering and dying. Same story with the artichokes. Who knew artichokes produce such beautiful flowers? But I planted veggies to eat, not look at.

My herbs flourished, so I shouldn't say that all is lost. The parsley got so out of control that I started just ripping some of it out to make room for the poor chives that were getting crowded next to it. My mint and rosemary is doing well, and the green onions are taking over a whole side of my garden. My kale (not an herb, I know) is going nuts, but I don't really know what to do with it.

So today I cut the second of my stunted eggplants the last of my jalapeno peppers. I figured I'd better get them cut and cooked before the ground freezes and they die. I also pulled up some carrots I'd forgotten about.

And that's when it happened.

Emma and Abbi came over to see what I was doing and they got excited to see the orange roots in the soil. We pulled more and more carrots, each one a happy surprise. They tried gnawing on the carrots and grudgingly agreed to wash them first after I reminded them that we have cats who don't know the difference between a garden and a litter box. (eww, gross!)

So they ran inside to wash their carrots, then continued to hound me every 15 minutes or so for a new carrot while I scrubbed our orange bouty. And I realized what a payoff our garden has proven to be. Sure, the carrots were only enough to fill three pint jars. And sure, my eggplant was hardly enough for a side dish with tonight's dinner. But my daughters are excited about eating veggies from the garden!

I remember eating spinach from my parents' garden when we lived in Oregon. I was only 4 years old, but I remember that! I think back on it fondly, and I have no idea if it happened once or every summer evening, but I am warmed by the memory of eating spinach straight out of the garden.

That's the payoff for all those $.97 packets of seeds, the expense of topsoil infused with organic mulch and the weekly (or whenever I remembered) waterings with organic Miracle Gro.

I joke that our garden takes up the precise amount of room a hot tub would take. It's even square, just like a hot tub. And if my garden sucks again next year, I'm replacing it with a hot tub - something we'd get much more use out of. And it's probably true that we'd get more use out of a hot tub. But what lessons would my kids learn from that? What lifelong habits would they adopt?

No, I think we'll stick with the garden for a while longer. It may be a lot of work, and I think our veggies cost a lot more to grow than they would from the store. But I think my daughters learning to eat carrots from the garden offsets the cost of fertilizer.

Don't do Dr. Phil

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's been a long time since I've blogged. What can I say? I've been busy! And I pair busyness with a little writer's block too - I just don't know what to write about! Actually, I take that back. I am constantly having ideas, but by the time I get home, get the kids to bed, get the dishes washed, get the laundry folded, well, I don't really care about those ideas anymore (if I even remember them).

So my quick thoughts for today: If you ever feel down about your parent skills, watch "Dr. Phil." I'm catching up on four episodes I've missed, and they're all about bad parents - wahoo! Yeah, that mom who feeds her 150-pound 4-year-old junk food and burritos as 10 p.m., I am SOOO better than her! The mom who is afraid of her daughter getting fat and feeds her grapes and celery, oh yeah, I'm Mom of the Year next to her!

As much as I feel like I suck at parenting at times, I can confidently say I don't think I'll ever end up on "Dr. Phil."

So that's your take-away for today: Parenting is hard. Just don't become a "Dr. Phil" episode and you're doing alright.

Robots and stuff

Just a quick anecdote today...

On our way to school this morning, Emma asked me what's inside of us that makes our bodies move. (pretty smart kid, huh?)

Me: Well, muscles, I suppose.

Emma: And what else?

Me: Bones and joints and tendons, and lots of other stuff too.

Emma: And robots?

No, Emma, no robots floating around in your body. But God love your imagination!